Monthly Archives: June 2014

Nosebleed Emergency!

We were in the car and had just left Six Flags today when from the back seat I heard Ethan say, “Mom, I have a nosebleed!”

Actually, it wasn’t like that. My bad. See, Ethan gets nosebleeds with some regularity just like his daddy did as a kid. So it was more like, “Oh, look. Another nosebleed.”

You would think that because he gets these nosebleeds fairly often we would have a stash of paper goods in our rigs or my purse or our pockets or somewhere, right?

Nope.

“Son, all I’ve got is a maxi pad. You want to use a maxi pad?”

“Uh, no.”

“Okay. Well, if it gets bad enough you need something, then you do what you gotta do. It’s here if you need it.”


A few moments later:

“Is it clean?”

“Of COURSE it is clean, Ethan. Come on!”

“Okay. Go ahead and give it to me.”

So I dug it out and handed it back to Laurel with instructions to help her little brother.

“Oh, weird! It’s sticky!”

“Yes, Ethan. That’s the adhesive. You do know what those pads are for, right?”

“YES.” (indignant)

Then:  Eruptions of little boy laughter.

“Mom, he’s waving it around all over.”

“Ethan, stop waving that around. Please.”

“HA HA HA HA! Look at this! Boop! Boop!”

“Mom, he’s sticking it on his face with the adhesive side and pulling his skin out with it.”

“Ethan, really. I have cars passing me and they have GOT to be wondering what is wrong with you.”

More little boy laughter. More waving of the Sanitary Napkin Flag.

“Actually, Laurel, here’s my phone. Take a picture of it. Maybe it’ll go viral.”

“NOOOOOOOOO! Wait, what does viral mean?”

“It means it will go all over the internet.”

“Will we make money?”

“Nope. But you’ll be famous!”

“Okay. Yeah, Laurel, take a picture!”

“Well move your hands to the side, then!”

padboy


And then at home: “Mom, can you e-mail the Mythbusters to ask them to test if a maxi pad will hold more blood than a paper towel?”

“It does, son. It does. Trust me.”

On Liberal Tolerance.

This is nothing new in the internet world, but over the past couple of days, I have seen post after sarcastic post saying such things as “I thought you lib’ruls were s’posed to be so TOLERANT of other people’s beliefs! Wah wah wah!”

Well, not exactly. In the interest of shutting these idiots up, I’ve put together a handy guide to what tolerance means or doesn’t mean for many of us, especially to me.

Perhaps this will help with the confusion.

Ready? Pay close attention, now.


TOLERANCE YES!
Other people’s culture; religious beliefs or lack thereof; separation of church and state in all matters.

TOLERANCE NO!
Terrorists, slut-shaming, persecution of others’ beliefs or non-beliefs, false claiming (especially in the United States) of persecution of Christianity.

TOLERANCE YES!
Prayer in our schools so long as it is done silently and by the students as their choice; moments of silence without editorial comment afterward regarding prayer so students may use the silence for anything they choose (remembrance, daydreaming, loading their MP3 player).

TOLERANCE NO!
School administrators, faculty, and/or staff leading prayer; having a moment of silence and then stating what you would have done if you were “allowed” to pray; “god in our schools;” making children who choose not to bow their heads and pray during moments of silence or choose not to stand for religious songs feel guilty.

TOLERANCE YES!
The right (yes, I said right because it should be) to marry any consenting adult(s) of your choice, without regard to gender, race, color, national origin, or creed (did I cover them all?). I’m even okay with polygamy IF it is arranged between consenting ADULTS. I’m looking at you, FLDS!

TOLERANCE NO!
Pedophilia. Bestiality. That weird-ass thing where men marry their daughters in a vain attempt to ensure their virginity until marriage.

TOLERANCE YES!
The right for you to make your own reproductive choices without “assistance” from your employer, your government, or anyone else other than your doctor and your spouse, if applicable.

TOLERANCE NO!
Anyone who believes they have a say over your testicles or uterus, or who would shame you for your decisions in this regard; the belief that women should pay more for insurance simply because they have the ability to bear children.

TOLERANCE YES!
Your right to bear arms in a sensible manner, as laid out in the 2nd Amendment and as defined by our country’s judiciary. I personally believe guns have four uses, only three of which are acceptable: hunting, home/self defense, and sport shooting. All these can be accomplished with pistols and long guns such as shotguns and rifles without the need for high capacity magazines and assault-type weapons. The fourth use? Human slaughter. That’s the ONLY reason for those high cap mags and such – see next statement for more on this.

TOLERANCE NO!
Open carry of firearms on the streets or in public places outside of hunting clubs, gun ranges, etc.; intimidation of U.S. citizens through open carry (plus, if you’re doing this you’re totally derpy and damaging your cause, dumdum, which makes me question whether you could even pass a background check I would employ); firearms in schools; high capacity magazines (face it, folks, if the guv’ment wants to kill you, they’re gonna kill you and there ain’t SHIT ALL you can do about it). Especially disgusting are the people who verbally fellate their guns because it makes them feel cool. Real gun owners who are comfortable and familiar and competent with their weapons don’t have to go around yapping about it all the time. Yes, mention you have a gun so people know! No, don’t go around whacking yourself with it like the ape scene at the beginning of “History of the World: Part I.”

TOLERANCE YES!
Private property rights which do not encroach on the rights of others, including the freedom to feed your family as you choose from your property, within the bounds of nuisance laws and such.

TOLERANCE NO!
Using federal land as though it were private property without monetary remuneration to the citizens of the United States; I personally hate Homeowner Associations.

TOLERANCE YES!
Your right to belong to groups and display banners, insignias, logos, etc. of those groups.

TOLERANCE NO!
Supremacist groups; display of banners, insignias, logos, etc. designed to intimidate or harass members of minority groups (Stars and Bars, white supremacy insignias, etc.).

TOLERANCE YES!
Your right to believe or not believe in gender roles influenced by biology and to decide for yourself how you wish to construct your family within those beliefs.

TOLERANCE NO!
Imposing your belief in gender roles upon others; believing it is acceptable for women not to receive equal pay for equal work because they bear children.


This is by no means a comprehensive list, and lots of my fellow liberals disagree with me on some points (especially the 2A points, probably some on the property rights). Ultimately, you’re damn right I’m intolerant. I’m not going to tolerate people harming others. Your amendment rights – every single damn last one of them – end where someone else’s rights begin. And yes, it’s true – your opinion does not matter as much as someone else’s if yours would cause harm to others who are just minding their own damn business and trying to carve out lives for themselves.

Are we clear?

Here We Go.

It has been nearly two years since last I kept a blog.

I’m not entirely sure I still remember how to do it.

I’m not even sure I still WANT to do it.

The last two years have brought hosts of changes – we began homeschooling our children; we lost pets; we got new pets; we bought a house; we bought a trailer; we went on cross-country trips we never documented as in the past.

I’m pretty aggravated about that, because my kids…well, at least Laurel…love to read the blog. Now that Ethan is a good reader, he will want to do it, too.

This is the chronicle of our lives. It’s for personal consumption. We don’t need an audience, though there is nothing secret about it.

But I felt like something was missing. When I have a terrible day and write, I work to find the humor in it and I feel better thereafter.

So!

Here We Go.