How to Run the BoneBlog Household, Part One.


Install an underground dog fence. Routinely release the dog whenever someone walks by just to see them shrink away when the dog charges them.  Cackle in delight.

Spring Yard Work:

Ignore everything in the fall. Let the beds lie fallow until spring. One morning, work yourself into a frenzy, rip all the dead flowers out of the flowerbeds and throw them in the yard. This is most effective if the neighbors are watching. Rake all the leaves left over from the fall out of flowerbeds and corners into the yard. Curse the leaves because you have no trees. These are all neighboring leaves.

Once all the leaves are in the yard, frighten the field mice out of the lawn tractor and, using a mulching blade, drive back and forth over the leaves. Cackle in delight.