Laurel the Enforcer.

Friends, we've got neighbor trouble.

It's not bad neighbor trouble.  Not the kind of neighbor trouble the Hatfields and McCoys had.  We just have some stupid, hoosier-ific neighbors.  The ones who swim in a stock tank in the back yard. 

The other day Greg glanced out the back window to see Neighbor Man (the only one of the couple we ever see) throwing the lid to a five-gallon bucket like a Frisbee so his dog could catch it.  We like Neighbor Dog, she's a sweetheart.  But Neighbor Man was tossing the lid well into our yard.  In fact, he tossed it so far that Laurel's newly-planted sunflower patch fell victim to Neighbor Dog's paws. 

But Greg and I wussed out and didn't say anything.

A couple of evenings later I was in a pretty rotten mood so Laurel and I went out on the deck to read.  Then we went down to set tomato cages over my plants in the garden.  Out came Neighbor Man and Neighbor Dog and the same Frisbee-esque game ensued.  In our yard.  Again.  Even though we were out there.  I was on the verge of saying something when Laurel ran out to her sunflower patch.

She stood before her sunflowers like a sentry guarding Fort Knox.  She crossed her arms and cocked her hip and gave Neighbor Man the stink-eye.  I can't imagine where she learned such a thing.

The next time Neighbor Dog came at Laurel's sunflowers, Laurel deflected the lid and then yelled in the most nasty-nice, syrupy-sweet voice imaginable, "I'm just trying to keep my sunflowers from getting run over!"  Neighbor Man mumbled something unintelligible, Laurel yelled, "Thanks," and ran back to me.

Awesome kid.

I asked her what he said and she reported he promised he would try not to hit the sunflowers.  But I'll be damned if that lid didn't come back over on our property again.  What brand of idiot is this guy?

This is not the first property issue we've had.  Neighbor Man keeps putting his lawn chairs over on us when he mows, which means I have to move them BACK to his side when it's time for ME to mow.

Greg came home that evening and I mentioned it to him.  He observed, "Our problem is that we don't know what it's like to operate with an average IQ.  And I'm pretty sure [Neighbor Man] is operating at about 10 points below average."

True.

I'm just glad to know that if we have any problems, we can send Laurel over there.  She'll take care of our problems for us.