Vinnie's in trouble with the authorities.
Someone called Animal Control and lodged a complaint against Vinnie for 'running at large.' When the officer came and posted the notice on our door, she also checked a box on the form about how we have to provide animals with adequate food, fresh water, and shelter. Maybe she heard about the car incidents.
I knew if I called Animal Control to respond, I'd get all ghetto and chicken-necked defensive, so Greg did it for me. He asked the officer for a description of the dog running at large, because there are a lot of dogs that run in this neighborhood, and they congregate at our house like teenagers because we're the cool dog owners. It's certainly not unlikely that someone saw the neighbor dog in our yard and assumed she was ours. Vinnie has quite a harem, after all. The officer didn't really have a description. Points for Greg — he told the officer her writing was illegible.
Anyway, I went and purchased a harness because Vinnie has been known to escape his collar when tethered in the back yard. The first one I was a large (chest size 20-28 in), and when I came home it was too small for Vinnie, who I discovered has a 32-inch chest. That's right, he's built like a midget baseball player on steroids. So Greg went and exchanged the harness, put it on Vinnie, and tethered him out back.
Shortly thereafter, Laurel and I returned from her guitar lessons. Laurel asked Greg if he exchanged the harness.
Me: "That's great. Thanks a lot for doing that."
Greg: "A lot of good it did, since the dog is AT THE BACK DOOR NOW, having escaped his HARNESS."
That's right. Those noises during our conversation? Vinnie jumping on the back door. He'd Hulked out and escaped his harness. Thing is, when Greg retrieved it, it wasn't unbuckled or anything. It was just…off. Greg said he spotted Charlotte — the neighbor dog and member of aforementioned harem — out back with Vinnie. They clearly banded together and managed to work Vinnie out of the harness. And these creatures have no thumbs.
We're in trouble.